Are Japanese Girls Really Sluts? Part 4

Biology & Sociology

This time I like to talk about this subject
from the aspects of Biology & Sociology.


"Romance is a game for fools"
I used to say
A game I thought I'd never play
Then you passed by
And here am I
Throwing caution to the wind

So why do fools fall in love?
Why are people attracted to each other?
Well, just one word "Sex"!
It means "for reproduction."
All mental, emotional and physical joy
and ecstacy of love, romance and sex are for reproduction.
Without them, people lose the interest to have a baby.

Okay, boys and girls,
now, I give you a lecture of the basic biology about sex.
What do women really want from men?
Two things,
the one is the good gene to ensure the success of offsprings.
As the number of babies women can bare is limited,
women are always looking for men with good genes.
It means that women are looking for qualities of men.
phyical beauty and superiority are good indication of
what kind of gene that men have.
Another is the support from men, financially, phisically,
mentally and emotionally for raising children
becauce it takes a long time for human babies
to reach adulthood.
Though men say women always look at men's wallets and cars,
it is very natural and rightfully for women to do so
in order to find a man to give them enough support
to raise kids.
And men with money means
men with a talent to make money as well if he made that
and that gene can contribute to her children's future success.
Also men with brave and sweet personality
can offer good protection and care to women.
So those are the qualities of men that women are looking for.

On the other hand, men do not have to bear a child,
which means men are looking for not only good qualities
in women but also quantities as well.
Men want have sex with many women to spread his genes.
That makes men cheaters and also women can be cheaters too
because they always look for men with a better sperm
even after she got a one with a good sperm.
Then why do they get married?
Because it is better to do so
in order to help each other to raise childen.
That is why human being have
very contradictory sexual behaviors.
You got that, boys and girl?
Goooood!

Okay, so let's apply this theory to the subject,
"Are Japanese girls are really sluts?"
When a Japanese girl come to New York city,
she sees any kinds of men from all over the world
and naturally she compare one with others,
especially Japanese men with White men and Black men.
Then she finds what White men and Black men got,
hight, broad shoulder, thick chest, long legs and
big penis......
Well, naturally she is attracted to White and Black men.
On the other hand, for White men and Black men
Japanese/Asian girls are not paticulary attractive
becuase average Japanese/Asian girls have flat faces,
small breasts and shorter legs,
those are not appealing physical features for men.
So in order to get the attention from White men and Black men,
what do Japanese girls have to do?
They have to be sexually agressive,
which means being slutty.
Is that means all Japanese girls
become sluts for White men and Black men?
Well, not all of them, not that simple.

Now I like to talk about the other aspect of this.
Still interracial relationships are
the hot topic on American media time to time.
And most of the times it is about White and Black relationship
but the reality is, even in the city like New York,
you do not see many White and Black couples.
Instead, the most common interracial couples are
between White men and Asian women.
Not only Japanese women but also many other Asian women
like to date with White men as well.
But not as much as Black men
though some Japanese girls love Black men.
I will talk about that some other time.
One Asian woman told me that
they are tend to be attracted to White men
becuase Asian men do not have any glamorous images
in American media.
That is so true,
there is no Asian men who is cute, handsome or sexy
in American media.


When Japanese media found Mashi-Oka in "Heroes",
They got quite excited because it is very rare to see
any Japanese character in American hit TV shows.
So I wrote in my article
"Japanese media are so ignorant and stupid,
Mashi-Oka is nothing but a stereo type."
Japanese/Asian men are supposed to be Chinky, Gooky,
Geeky, Nerdy, Dorky, ugly and super uncool men.
The reason you do not see attractive Asian men
in Americna media is exactly same as you could not see
many attractive Black men in American media till '70s.
In this White dominated society,
the most attractive men are supposed to be White men.
So White audience did not want to see attractive Black men
because attractive and sexy Black men
can be threats to White men.
but Black people have changed that by protesting.
As the result of that,
you see Black star like Denzel Washington now.
Asians have not done much for that kind of change.

Japanese have been in love
with the Western cultures for a long time.
And they have tried to immitate so many of them
and along with loving and admiring the western cultures,
Japanese have been admiring Whites physical beauty as well.
That is why you see many White models in Japanese media.
And that probably makes Japanese sort of White wannabeis.
If you grow up in Japan, you can be brainwashed to believe
Whites are the most beautiful peole.
And that's why all manga and anime characters
do not look like Japanese/Asian.

And that's not only for girls but boys as well.
As a matter of fact,
many Japanese men like to date with White women too.
But they can not, why?
Because White women do not pay much attention to Asian men
because Asian men do not have enogh physical qualities
White women are looking for.
Some White women like to date with Black men
even Black men are in the lower social racial hierarchy
than White women because many Black men have
many good physical qualties and strong sex appeal.
For White women, Asian men are not only much lower
in the social racial hierarchy
but also do not have much physical qualities,
which means there is no reason for them
to be attracted to White men.

I know, I know you are saying
you have seen some Asian men & White women couples.
Yes, that can happen because people are attracted
not only for physical qulities but also
good personality, intelligence and others as well.
But the differece is that
you can hunt Japanese girls in the street or in clubs
if you are White or Black men.
For Asian men, in order to date with White women
they have to make freinds with them in environments like
offices or schools,
then develop that to the more serious relashionships.
Asian men can never hunt White women in the street or clubs.
And no matter what they try, majority of White women
never consider Asian men as subjects for dating, sex or marriage.

White women do not open their legs to Asian men
for exactly the same reason that
the sluttiest Japanese girls in New York
do not open their legs to the certain groups of men
who they consider socially lower than them.
I do not say who they are but just guess.
That's the way women are programed biologically.
So who is the losers of this game,
of course, Japanese/Asian men.

To be continued

Watch the second episode of this skit.

I Hate Autumn in New York

Before I came to New York.
I loved Autumn.
As Japanese summer is horribly humid and hot
the cool breeze of September is mosdef the great relief
and the reminder of the beautiful season.
Yes, Autumn is supposed to be beautiful and romantic.

However, in New York, we have a long long winter
from December to early April.
Actually we do have very cold day in April as well.
In May, finally spring is stablized.
So we have Five Month of bitter cold winter
and winter always depresses me.
Autumn in New York, why it's so inviting?
I do not know why someone wrote that song but
for me, Autumn in New York is
nothing but the reminder of the beginning of
the bitter cruel long long winter.
I simply hate it.
plus I am single, do not have anyone
to enjoy the romantic feelings of this season.
So let me hate Autumn in New York, hahaha.

How Come Oyajis are So Rude?

Oyaji means a dad or a middle aged guy,
I say, loosely late 30s to 60 years old.
When younger people call a middle aged man Oyaji,
it usually means uncool, stabborn, unajustable,
way behind the current trends or bold old guys.

Japanese are known to be very polite,
which I believed when I lived in Japan.
However, I changed my view about that
after I came to New York.
Atually what I found was that
Japanese Oyajis ARE the rudest people.
Believe me, they are rude.
Well, some of them are nice
but many of them are rude.

How so?
They have very bossy arrogant attitude toward
younger people, their employees, people at stores
and anyone they think who are lower social hierarchy than them.
I realized that
when I worked for Japanese restaurant as a waiter.
Though some customers were bitches and assholes,
most of American customers were nice, who are usually
educated middle class Whites at Japanese restaurants.
They say "Thank you" to waiters
whenever waiters did something to them.
On the other hand, most of Japanese customers
do not thank waiters and especially Oyajis got
very rude attitude toward waiters.
They are so arrogant!

I think Japanese politeness is very superficial.
They have developed a very polite and orderly culture
as so many people living in a small country
that they must follow the rules
and try not to disturb social calmness and cooperation.
But also thier other strong social order is
Nenkoujoretsu(年功序列),
which is a strong social hierarchy according to people's age.
If you are older, you are automatically higher than others.
Though this is breaking up finally,
still it is very evident social system in Japan.
This system was created to prevent the competition.
Well, one might think the competition is good for the society.
Yes, but Japanese chose cooperative attitude
over the fair competition
because they believed that free competition can lead to
the unstabel society, anarchiness.
It is all conservative idea to prevent
"The tail wags the dog" situation.

At Japanese work places,
it is very common to find the situation like
your boss at your section of the corporation
is a very untalented worker
but very bossy and super arrogant, almost abusive.
Probably he was promoted to the position
simply because he is older than others
and in order to prevent any contempt from others,
he acts very arrogant way.

Well, fianlly this kinda stuff is fading away
but the point is that Japanese Oyajis constatly feel
this kind of pressure to prove
their musculinity and superiorty
in the social hierarchy.
That turns out their very arrogat attitude.

I hate rude Japanese Oyajis!
Because of that same mentality,
they abused and tortured POWs during the War,
they killed so many other Asians.

Japanese politeness and Japanese rudeness(and demonness)
came from the same place.

Wait, come to think of it,
I am a Japanese Oyaji, hahahahaha.

Japanese teaching Japanese in U.S.

Teaching English is the bread winning job
for most of Gaijins in Japan.
Well, for ones who speak English.
If you are a Gaijin, speak English and got BA degree,
You can be a English teacher right away
even without any teaching Experience or other credibilities.

This is the story I read somewhere a long time.
There was a White guy teaching English
at some English school in Tokyo,
who was not a native English speaker.
After the class, one of his collegue talked to him,
who was an Asian American person.
And he said "Despite of the fact that
I am a native English speaker and you are not,
you are a much more popular teacher here.
You know why? Because you are White and I am not."

I guess most of Gaijins have already realized this fact,
except the ones in public schools,
many of Japanese go to English schools
because they like to see Gaijins,
they are paying not only for learning English
but also for Gaijin viewing.
They are willing to pay to see Gaijins,
mainly White or American Blacks
because of the same reason many Japanese stare at Gaijins,
the fascination with Gaijins,
more precisely Gaijins and the glamorous American
and European culture Japanese see behind Gaijins.

Now I think they are mostly replaced by the meetup.com
but till '90s, Adult education classes were very popular
in New York like a writing class, painting class, film class,
cooking class, you name it, any kinds of classes.
And one of the reasons of their popularity was that
they provided the place for people to meet and socialize.
English school in Japan is very similar to that
though some schools are very serious ones.
Many Japanese go to English schools
for meeting or socializing with someone
while enjoying to view Gaijin Pandas.

Once my friend in Tokyo told me he had hired
a private English tutor and she was an young American.
He said "She got an easy job because I told her
all she had to do was just chatting with me in English."
I said to him "Which means you bought a Gaijin."

Because Japanse see so many Gaijins teaching English in Japan,
they really misunderstand that
they can also teach Japanese in U.S. as well
which is not true at all.

In New York, most of language school are
for immigrants and foreigners,
and they teach English.
As a matter of fact, very few places have a Japanese class.
Though the interest in Japanese culture is on the rise in U.S.
because of manga and anime,
still majority of Americans are not much interested in Japan.
Therefore there is not much demand
for a Japanese class unfortunately.
People who already have the position
to teach Japanese rarely quit
because they know once they quit,
it is almost impossible to find another
as it seems that there are more Japanese wish to teach Japanese
than Americans like to learn Japanese.

Of course, some colleges with Asian study department
have Japanese class also.
However, they usually hire
their Japanese graduate school students of their school
as instructors for Japanese classes,
which means you do not get a job to teach Japanese
at college either unless you have a strong connection with them.

Well, actually this is the story of New York.
If you go to somewhere far away from the big cities
where you do no find many Japanese,
some college might hire you as a Japanese instructor
as long as you got BA degree.

Fascination with Gaijin and Half Tarento (Talents, Media Personalities)

In '60s-'70s,
there were many Gaijin & Half(mixed race) talents
in Japanese entertainment industry.
Most of Half talents were half White and half Japanese,
but some of them were half Black or even half Indian.

Japanese really adored those Gaijin & Half talents.


ヒデとロザンナ(Hide and Rozanna)
singing their huge hit "愛は傷つきやすく"(Love is vulnerable)
from 1969. She is Italian.
They eventually got married but Hide died from cancer.
She raised their three kids by herself.


This Hawaiian obscure folk duo became BIG in Japan,
Betsy & Chris singing their memorable hit
"白色は恋人の色"(White is my lover's color).
Lovely!


Graciela Susana singing one of her hits in Japan, "Adoro"
Argentine's obscure singer became BIG in Japan.


Daniel Vidal was a French singer
and she had a successful singing career in france as well.
This was her appearance on Japanese TV in 1998
though this hit was from 1970.
This song made all Japanese want to go to Paris
where all the most sophisticated things were, they belived so.
But it was absolutely out of reach for average Japanese,
only what they could do was dreamng about it
and immitating French culture like singing Chanson.


山本リンダ, Linda Yamamoto singing her signature hit
"狙いうち"(Sharpshooting)
This song is about the woman thinking
she deserves to be with the richest man in the world
because of her beauty
and she will conquer the world with it,
making all men her slaves.
Oh My!, I love her.
Actually the beauty was the other reason of
Japanese fascination with Half talents,
who were considered much more beautiful than
average Japanese.
Linda's dad was American G.I. and sadly died during Korean War.


Golden Half singing one of their hits "Adam & Eve"
One of the members, Runa Takayama became an adult film star
after this group disbanded.
Cloistered Nun: Runa's Confession (1976)
It is available on DVD in U.S. now,
a very campy and erotic revenge story by a young nun.
Check it out.
Many of '70s Nikkatsu Roman Porno are very interesting films.
I will talk about them some other time.


辺見マリ, Mari Henmi singing her signature hit
"経験"（Experience）, she was only 20 years old at that time
but amazingly sexy and mature.
Her dad was Hispanic.


小山ルミ, Rumi Koyama singing one of her hits
"孤独の街角"(Lonley Streetcorner)

There were many Half singers like Michi Aoyama(Half Black),
Aki Izumi, Miki Obata, Sherry, Maggie Minenko,
Joe Yamanaka(He was Half Black as well), Carmen Maki,
Lily and Ken Sanders(Another Half Black Guy).

Though Japanese economy was booming in '60s,
still Japan was far from rich country.
In '70s, average Japanese people's lives
definitley improved a lot.
Almost all of them had color TV, stereo, telephone,
washing machine, refrigi and so on.
However, still traveling abroad was
a privilige for affluent class.
In '80s, finally average Japanese could afford to
have a vacation trip to abroad,
finally Japan became a wealthy nation.
During '60s and '70s, traveling abroad was
a dream beyond dreams for most of Japanese.

After the war, most of Japanese are starving
and wearing rugs, cities were ruins.
As they watched Hollywood films
where people had luxualies,
which reminded them of how miserable their realities were.
it is not difficult to imagine that
one of the driving forces that Japanese worked so hard
to re-build their economy was this yarning that
they wanted be like the WEST,
they wanted to be like White people.

During '60s and '70s when being like the WEST
was still the unreachable dream for most of Japanese,
those Gaijin and Half talents brought the WEST
a little closer to Japanese.
Also Japanese loved to hear Gaijin singing in Japanese.
As some Japanese love to try sing in English
because they love and love to immitate the western culture,
they feel like they are loved back by the WEST
when they hear Gaijins singing in Japanese.

Besides those Gaijins who were obscure but made big in Japan,
many Japanese loved to listen to the music of
American and European stars as well.
But I heard, in those days, many of American rock bands
did not play seriously for Japanese audience.
Why?
Why did they have to play seriously for yellow monkeys?
I guess it was simply laughable for them
to just stand in front of the sea of yellow faces.
BTW that no loger happens since Japan became to be known
as the economical force in the world.

Now Japan is no loger poor country
but still you see many Gaijin and Half Talents on TV
because Japanese love affair with the West still continues,
which brought us Jero.


Jero is a quater Japanese, American Black Enka sensation.
Enka is the traditional Japanese popular ballad song
which is usually about lamenting on lost loves
and hardships of lives,
which most of younger generation do not like to listen to
as it is not cool for them.
Most of Japanese laughed when they heard that
a Black guy singing Enka
because the images of a Black guy
does not fit the images of Enka at all.
just like probablly it sounds funny for westerners
when they hear Asians do rap/HipHop
because the images of Asians do not fit the images of rap.
But Jero turned out to be quite successful.
Why?
Because Japanese feel they are loved back by the West
when they hear Gaijin singing in Japanese
and in this case, Especially because of Enka,
which is the traditional Japanese song
even younger Japanese do not like to listen to,
and it is something Japanese believe only Japanese can dig.
The idea the a Gaijin likes to immitate
this Japanese traditional culture realy blew their minds.
To be honest with you, I think Jero is a fine Enka singer
but not a great one.
On this video, he sings the song called "夜空"(Night Sky)
which was a big hit from '70s
and the original was much better, I think.
But he is still young.

And finally this is the reality of Asians
in American entertainment industry.

he became famous because he was a super stereotype,
Asian is supposed to be ugly, chinky, gooky, dorky
and cannot sing or dance, or any other cool things.

BTW that guy from KDD TV is Ken Tanaka, isn't he?
If you do not know him, do search on YouTube.
I did not know he was an actor as well,
a very talented guy.

If you were an Asian and spoke English with accent

About two years go, I desperately needed some work.
One of my friend, who is no longer in New York,
is a lawyer and have worked for several agencies in this city,
suggested me to apply the position of paralegal.
Though I had known paralegals were assistants for lawyers,
I had not known what exactly they did,
I asked him if I could really do that job,
as especially I did not have efficient level of English skill,
as you see here, I knew I even could not do proof readings.
He told me paralegal work from the three agencies he worked for
is fairly easy, basicaly an entry level assistant work
and still they pay $18 an hour.
So I said "Okay, I will give it a shot!"
He gave me tel# of those agencies
and sent an e-mails of recommendation to them as well.
So I called them and talked to the people
who were in charge of hiring paralegals.
They asked me to submit my resume by e-mail and I did that.
So the next phase was
to call them again to get the interview date.
As my friend suggested me not to call them too often
because they can be annoyed, I called them twice a week.
I did that about for three weeks but I could not catch them.
So next week I called them three time a week,
next week four times, next week five times
all different time zone but I was always told
they were away from the desk,
at the meeting, lunch break or gone for the day.
I eventually realized they were all avoiding me.

Agencies pay $18 a hour means that Lawfarms pay like $25.
If you send assistants to your clients for entry level work
and they pay $25 an hour, of course you like to send
a White person, or at least someone who speaks good English
without any accent, which is not me.

In this city, if you are an Asian who does not speak English,
you are a yellow monkey.
If you are an Asian who speaks English with accent,
you are still a subhuman.

I am an Asian who speaks English with a heavy accent
an have a very strange Asian name.
I have been living my life as a subhuman here,
which is my choice I did not have to stay here.
And I do not hate White people
because I know the racism does not discriminate.
Asians, Blacks, Hispanicks, they are all same.
All of them can be racistic as White.
On the other hand,
undeniably this society is dominated by White
and they do have power and control,
which means if you are not White,
more likely you are discriminated by White.
That is reality too.

And as American Whites are so well educated by Blacks
about race relations, they seldom show true colors.
So sometimes I cannot trust them.
even if they are smiling at me,
very possibly they think I am a yellow monkey.
Low class uneducated Blacks and Hispanicks,
if they look down Asians, they really show that.
So at least it is easier to tell.

gender bending culture in Japan part 1

In Japan, there is a very famous
all female musical troupe called TAKARAZUKA
which has nearly 100 years history.

This is wiki's entry Takarazuka revue.
And this is their English site, Takarazuka.

All female means that girls play male roles.
And yes, they do "love scenes"

Of course, the other famous mono-gender troupe is
Kabuki which is all male and has 400 years history.

Not only in these troupes
but also in many other forms of entertainment,
gender bending has been prominent in Japanse culture
and not considered abnormal unlike in U.S.
because Japanese thinks it is nothing to do with
homosexuality.
Is that true?
To some extent, yes.
And to some extent, no.

This is the clip that
the legendary singer, Misora Hibari,
performing one of her most popular song
called "柔 Yawara" means Judo 柔道, way of Yawara,
Japanese martial art, in DRAG.
This song is about the spirit of performing Judo
and how a man should pursue for the manly way to live his life.
And a manly man should not fall in love with a woman.
If he does, he should throw that away, shake that way,
dump that away without any mercy even hiding his tears
in the sake of pursuing for the manly way to live.
It is very bizarre concept
especially considering a woman singing this song
but Japanese do not think so.



This idea is very very prominent in Samurai(and Yakuza) films.
Samurais were supposed to be manliest men of all
and they should not fall in love with women
because romance is meant be for the weak minds like women,
not for manliest men like Samurai.
They better pursue the manliest way to live,
which is to be a great worrior with an iron mind
Women have to endure any pains caused by that
and do their best to support men to reach their goals.
This is the extream case of gender role playing
and also the sexism.

This mentality is still very much evident
in the modern Japanese society
though younger generation are changing.
Men are supposed to work so hard,
almost dedicate their lives for their companies
which replaced Samurai masters
that they should choose work over their families.
Since this leaves many Japanese women emotionaly unsatisfied,
they need some sort of outlet.
when I was a kid,
I saw three wives of famous authors chatting on TV
and one of them said
"After the marriage, a son is a woman's lover"
two other wives nodded.
Because Japanese women tend to love their sons too much,
many Japanese men has a strong tendency of oedipus complex.
That works as one outlet for women.
But there are many others and one of them is Takarazuka
where men are pretty, men do not smell,
men do not have hairy legs, men whisper sweet words,
men cry for women, men understand women
and men think women are the best thing in the world.
So Takarazukais like romance novels
that many American women love to read.
In Takarazuka, women creat ultimate fantasy of ideal men
for women.
So Takarazuka has nothing to do with homosexuality.
Do you believe that?
If you say yes, you are too naive.
even it is not very obvious and upfront,
there is definitely undertone of fascination
for homosexulality in Takarazuka.

Next time I will talk about
this undertone of homosexuality and homophobia
in Japanese culture.

To be continued

In a mean time, please enjoy
this fantastic performance by Tamasaburo
the best Kabuki female role actor.

vending machine mystery

When I came to New York.
one of the mysteries of this city was
the lack of vending machines on the streets.
In Tokyo, vending machines are everywhere.
And I had been wondering for quite a while
why there was no outside vending machine in New York.

One day when I was back in Tokyo,
my friend told me that I did not have to hold
my bag in the way I did because this was not New York.
Unconsciously I held my bag tightly under my right arm.
Still he said "Tokyo has become less safe
because of foreigners
and even some vending machines have been vandalized.
Before those insidents,
Japenese never thought about such a thing."
Then finally it dawned on me about the reason why
there were no outside vending mashines in New York.

There seems to be lots of fascination among gaijins
about Japanese vending machines.
If you search on YouTube,
you find so many videos by gaijins about them
that now in U.S. there is a urban legend that
in Japan you can buy used panties from vending machines.
Yeah, you can also buy Godzilla, Geisha and Mt. Fuji
from Japanese vending machines.
Does this satisfy you, huh?

So why have I been so depressed?

Right now I have a bad case of mouth ulcer.
The tip of my tongue melted
and was molded by the backside of my front teeth.
So I can see the shape of my teeth on the tip of my tongue.
It is very hard to talk, eat and even swallow water.
I do this when I am stressed out.
And I have been depressed for a quite while.

I used to write about the pop music for Japanese media
and Japanese record companies for a long time.
I had interviewed many singers and musicians,
attended may shows to write reviews.
However, eventually I grew out of it.
I still love love music
but no longer care about who's on the hit chart.
So I wanted to do the more substential journalism
like writing about social issues.
In order to make a stepstone to that direction,
I wrote a book about the harsh realities of this city
from the Asian/Japanese point of view.
This book was moderately successfull and re-printed
but did not bring me a new career
because that is not Japanese meida wants.
They are looking for something glamorous, trendy
fashionable or shocking about New York.
Plus in Japan, less and less people read magazines
to get informations partialy because of the internet.
Therefore many mags have been folded
and remaining ones & new ones are mostly focused on
Fashion, gourmet food, fancy trips and so on.
It seemed that nobody wanted the writer like me.
Ever since then my life has been nothing but struggle
and the despression.

I actually wrote another book
about my career crisis and depression.
Even though I got a good review from a major news papaer
it did not do anything to my career either.
After that, I fell like downward spiral
financially and emotionally.
Then one year and half ago,
I got a deal with a mag from one of the major publishers in Tokyo.
I have been enjoying writing this monthly article
but this mag is now going to be folded too, ugh.....
Just two more month to go.
As this monthly article has been very popular,
I will work on the book project based on that.
After that, I do not know...

When you are young, you have and can have
ambiguous hopes and dreams about your life.
When you reach a certain age,
you realize your limitation and difficulties of life,
then your hopes and dreams can fade away.
Still if you have a family, you can live your life for that
and your family can be the source of your happiness.
But if you are a single,
it is much more difficult to overcome this crisis.
Right now I do not have much desire to live,
but I do not have the guts to kill myself either.
And I also have two very old cats
which I have to take care of at least a few more years.

I am almost a ghost right now.
Then there would not be much difference if I die.
I will be a ghost and wandering around this city
and see so may joy and sorrow of so many people
but I will not be able to do anything to them
or with them.
Even I will not be able to
save a hungry kitten in the rain.
I will just wander around with sad eyes.