Strange World of Internet (For rodgerswan)

I have been in
a NEET(Not in Education, Employment or Training)Hell.

I bacially wasted the year of 2009.
Except the 4-5 weeks of the summer, I did not do anything,
but just staying home and doing nothing but the internet.
Ahhh, this thing is so powerful that it can keep me
in font of my computer forever, and slowly killing me.
I thought new year would change this, but it did not.
Of course, I am the one who has to change my life, nothing else.

No doubt that the internet is very convenient tool for everyone,
especially for a writer like me,
the reserch had become much much easier.
On the other hand, it is quite addictive.
Without the internet,
I do not think I can stay home all the time like this,
I definitely go outside because of the boredom.
But with the internet, somehow the time flies.
What do I do with it?
I usually go from one site to another,
one blog to another like a butterfly,
looking for the warmth of someone,
looking for something to fill my empty heart,
leaving comments once in a while,
but feeling like never being able to
have a real connection with anyone.

However, something happened recently,
which changed my notion about the internet,
well at least a bit.

I watch many J-Vloggers videos,
who are Gaijins who live in Japan
and are Vlogging on YouTube,
and one of my favorites has been "rodgerswan"
He went to Japan in the summer of 2007
as an exchange student of Keio university,
and started his "Tokyoswan" series of videos
which described his life in Tokyo.
I tell you I really enjoyed watching his videos,
and he seems to be a genuinely nice person,
and really enjoying his life there.
One year later,
he had to go back to the States for finishing his college,
then just last summer, he came back to Japan,
this time to Iwate prefecture,
as a JET teacher, the Japan Exchange and Teaching program,
and again he seems to be really enjoying his life there.

But just a few days ago, a horrible thing happened,
he suddenly passed away
from an acute case of pancreatitis.
right after he had posted his final video.
He was only 23 years old.



It is strange that I am really grieving for his passing.
I have never met him,
even never having exchanged any e-mail with him,
I left a few comments on his videos, and that's about it.
Yet, I have been very saddened by this news.
It seems to be just "It ain't right"
He was so young and enjoying his life,
and most of all, seems to be a very very nice guy.
What an absurdity!
I am still living and he is not.
We all know this world is filled with so many absurdities.
No matter how we like to believe in
"Love""Peace""Unity" and "Justice"
this world shows us so many ugliness.
And the most saddly,
we know we are filled with so many ugliness too.
But if you watch rodgerswan's video,
you can tell he is one of the rare people
who are with so much warmth.
Of couse, I am not saying he was a Saint,
Sure that he was just an individual like you and me,
who had daily stresses and complains about his own life,
and his surroundings,
but still his smile, his attitude and the soft way he talks
put a smile on my face each time I watched his video.

Then his sudden passing really left me confused,
and now I think the internet may not
always make an intimate connection among people
but surely it can make an impact to other people's life.
Silly me that I always want to write
something can make my readers think,
and can meke them moved in some way
even though with the medias I have been associated with,
I can not make a real connection with my readers.
Maybe with the internet which I am addicted
and despise to some extent,
I can make something
which can make an impact in someones's ilfe.

Thank you rodgerswan for reminding me of that.
And I will not say "RIP" to you
because it seems to be not appropriate for you now,
or for me, at least not yet
because I am still not able to accept your passing.
Do not stick around in Japan as a ghost,
but please be born again soon, and wherever it will be,
come back to Japan and make people happy again.

We love you, we will never forget you.